Breakfast yesterday consisted of hot breakfast cereal, granola and soy milk,
corn bread with honey/soy milk, AND like 1/3 of a large pineapple as well as
2/3 of a small guava. Wow. My belly was so full that I could hardly
comprehend the Sabbath school lesson about temperance. I really think I
needed to hear that too. Living in Africa for three months can teach a
person so, so much. One thing I have learned is that one of the hardest
things to do as a missionary is to just get along with the other
missionaries. How sad! God has really worked in us, though. I've been
learning a lot about the power of prayer. I'm sure God loves to answer our
prayers. Time is going as fast as ever. The food here is getting better and
better. I'm becoming much more of a teacher. The other missionaries and I
are growing closer together. The Holy Spirit is amongst us often. My heart
is changing. These-and so many others-are His answers to my prayers. I've
found at least one opportunity to study for the MCAT. We're planning an
exciting Christmas tour of Cameroon that will begin in less than 2 weeks.
Yesterday we trekked to a beautiful little waterfall just a few minutes from
our house. God is so, so good to us here. Another thing I've learned here is
the concept of African time. At the end of last week, we all rode to Nkor
for 2 days of teachers' meetings or workshops. The first meeting on Friday
was supposed to begin at 8 am. It didn't start until 1 pm (which is when the
presenters arrived from Kumbo). So Thursday morning was spent in the Barnes
and Nobles of Nkor (the Noone Literacy Center of Nkor), a very nice facility
with a small collection of American books. I spent a good hour or two
studying from my MCAT biology book. The afternoon was spent in these really
boring meetings; there's no way workshops for teachers back home are
anything like that one. Friday we arrived later in the morning for the
workshop. It was a similar meeting-stressing the importance of teachers
teaching and testing from the government national syllabus alone, no more
and no less. We left by noon to go back home and prepare for Sabbath.
Sabbaths here (and weekends in general) are such a blessing! There are less
than 2 weeks left of school before Christmas break. I can't fathom that.
Goals for the new year include: teaching more from the government syllabus,
making myself more available for the Spirit to change me, being more
involved with the people around me, and eating a little less pineapple
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I'm Giving Up (10/17/10)
I've been stuck in Kumbo since Friday morning. This is a record.Three days.
And ugh,I'm sick of it. I've been learning things, though. We got to skip
school on Friday. We're skipping school tomorrow, too. I feel guilty about
missing school, but no one seems to care. Which makes me think that I should
really care. Even if no one else cares, I'll try and care. And so, during
the 9 weeks 'til Christmas and, after that, the 8 weeks 'til spring break
and, after that, the 9 weeks 'til May 10, I really want to try my best to
not miss a single day of school if I can help it. It's so easy to come up
with an excuse; and because of that, I think it is so important to have an
excuse to actually go to school. Being here in Kumbo with Kim and Kat has
really magnified my homesickness. While here, I picked up 3 packages at the
post office from my mom (thanks mom!). It was so, so, SO good to get those!
One was full of crayons (and my MCAT study books and some candy, too. and
there's not a whole lot left haha). I'm really looking forward to seeing my
students use the crayons! One box is full of Sabbath school quarterlies and
Guides and stuff. Then there was an actual care package-with my Conflict of
Ages books, tea, another outfit for school, s'more candy, and, best of all,
some Knox News Sentinel crossword pages! I've already completed many of the
puzzles (not the crosswords, though).
Lately, I've really been thinking about some things. For starters, I am such
a selfish being. It's something that is inside of me. Nothing that I do
changes that about me. It is part of who I am. Another thing I've been
contemplating is how much I really depend on others. My whole life, I have
been very well taken care of-by someone, even if at times it really only is
God. I've been fed, clothed, sheltered, loved. Some people really aren't
taken care of by anyone but God. I'm so blessed to have had the friends,
family, and opportunities that I have. That's all so cliché. I hate writing
like this.
This weekend I have also really noticed, focused on, my introversion. I
really need time to be alone. We've all been in such close quarters with
each other this weekend on our little occasion. Yesterday, I just had to go
into the bathroom to be alone. I just stood there and stared out the window
at the trees, the wind winding through the leaves; I felt a lot better after
just breathing that fresh air. Today I took out the trash and walked up and
down the road that our hotel is on. That was so nice, too. The sun was
fierce today. Last night, it was like the three of us were a carton of
sardines in this queen (full's more like it) size bed. I am not really
looking forward to tonight at all. I just hope I'm not going to be in the
middle.
Spending all this time with Kim and Kat really makes me miss my mom. It also
really makes me appreciate her. It's making me consider my behavior. There
really are too many times I feel like a ten or eleven-year old. There are
actually too many times I look back at my behavior and feel ashamed. How can
I be so selfish?
I have so, so much. I have so much. Why? Who am I that I could be so
blessed? I do not understand it. I know I must give. I must give of myself.
Give everything away. Let God have it all. Give what I have to those who do
not have. Give to all. Give them love, money, time. Give them my ears, my
feet, my hands.
I don't want to think high thoughts of myself. I want to be humbled. Don't
you want to put others before yourself? No? Yeah, me neither. That is
because we are selfish! Didn't you hear me before? Nothing that we do can
change that about ourselves. Please, Lord. Please, please change our hearts.
We are nothing without You. We can do nothing of ourselves. I cannot do this
on my own. Let us put others before ourselves in all things. In all things
let us trust in Your understanding and not our own.
And ugh,I'm sick of it. I've been learning things, though. We got to skip
school on Friday. We're skipping school tomorrow, too. I feel guilty about
missing school, but no one seems to care. Which makes me think that I should
really care. Even if no one else cares, I'll try and care. And so, during
the 9 weeks 'til Christmas and, after that, the 8 weeks 'til spring break
and, after that, the 9 weeks 'til May 10, I really want to try my best to
not miss a single day of school if I can help it. It's so easy to come up
with an excuse; and because of that, I think it is so important to have an
excuse to actually go to school. Being here in Kumbo with Kim and Kat has
really magnified my homesickness. While here, I picked up 3 packages at the
post office from my mom (thanks mom!). It was so, so, SO good to get those!
One was full of crayons (and my MCAT study books and some candy, too. and
there's not a whole lot left haha). I'm really looking forward to seeing my
students use the crayons! One box is full of Sabbath school quarterlies and
Guides and stuff. Then there was an actual care package-with my Conflict of
Ages books, tea, another outfit for school, s'more candy, and, best of all,
some Knox News Sentinel crossword pages! I've already completed many of the
puzzles (not the crosswords, though).
Lately, I've really been thinking about some things. For starters, I am such
a selfish being. It's something that is inside of me. Nothing that I do
changes that about me. It is part of who I am. Another thing I've been
contemplating is how much I really depend on others. My whole life, I have
been very well taken care of-by someone, even if at times it really only is
God. I've been fed, clothed, sheltered, loved. Some people really aren't
taken care of by anyone but God. I'm so blessed to have had the friends,
family, and opportunities that I have. That's all so cliché. I hate writing
like this.
This weekend I have also really noticed, focused on, my introversion. I
really need time to be alone. We've all been in such close quarters with
each other this weekend on our little occasion. Yesterday, I just had to go
into the bathroom to be alone. I just stood there and stared out the window
at the trees, the wind winding through the leaves; I felt a lot better after
just breathing that fresh air. Today I took out the trash and walked up and
down the road that our hotel is on. That was so nice, too. The sun was
fierce today. Last night, it was like the three of us were a carton of
sardines in this queen (full's more like it) size bed. I am not really
looking forward to tonight at all. I just hope I'm not going to be in the
middle.
Spending all this time with Kim and Kat really makes me miss my mom. It also
really makes me appreciate her. It's making me consider my behavior. There
really are too many times I feel like a ten or eleven-year old. There are
actually too many times I look back at my behavior and feel ashamed. How can
I be so selfish?
I have so, so much. I have so much. Why? Who am I that I could be so
blessed? I do not understand it. I know I must give. I must give of myself.
Give everything away. Let God have it all. Give what I have to those who do
not have. Give to all. Give them love, money, time. Give them my ears, my
feet, my hands.
I don't want to think high thoughts of myself. I want to be humbled. Don't
you want to put others before yourself? No? Yeah, me neither. That is
because we are selfish! Didn't you hear me before? Nothing that we do can
change that about ourselves. Please, Lord. Please, please change our hearts.
We are nothing without You. We can do nothing of ourselves. I cannot do this
on my own. Let us put others before ourselves in all things. In all things
let us trust in Your understanding and not our own.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Day in the Life (11/3/10)
An incredible 2 months have gone by here
in Cameroon (and all over the world, I'm sure). I just can't believe it.
Recently I realized I haven't given you all a schedule of a typical day in
the life of Madame (should be Mademoiselle.) Jessica. So here it is!
5:00-5:45 am-WAKE UP! The days I get to sleep through my alarm are a real
blessing haha. ~6:30-6:45 am-head to the Roses' house up the path for
breakfast. 7:30-8:00 am-go back home/brush my teeth/leave for school! I
should really start leaving closer to 7, but that's hardly ever possible.
8:30-9:00-arrive at school and prep my classroom. My windows don't lock so
each day I have to take all my class stuff back into the main classroom with
the locking windows. 8:45-9:30-Assembly (the starting of it can be anytime
during those times). Then up until 11 am Naphtali and I do ABC & reading
review with my class, bible story, song time (?), short break, and math.
11:00-LONG BREAK! About the 2nd or 3rd week of school, we all decided that
long break should only be 30 minutes so we can go home early on Fridays. We'
ve continued to take 1-hour long breaks since then, though, haha. 12:00-
1:30-Science class, General Knowledge, National Culture, blah blah blah. You
know, school stuff. 1:30-Dismissal!! Then, I pack up my class room, lock the
door, and start on my 2.5-3 mile journey home. My record time so far for the
trip to or from school is 45 minutes. Just thinking about that walk makes my
body hurt physically haha. Once I get home a variety of things could happen
on up until bedtime. I do go over to the Roses' every day to help with
dinner (the preparing and eating of it). I also shower there, charge my
electronics, visit, grade, clean my water filter/pump drinking water, and
pick grain/rice/beans/corn there. Here at our house (Kim, Kat, & I) much of
the same happens minus the grain picking and plus some more fun activities
like an occasional movie or P90x session. Life here is beautiful. I really
should get out of the house! Dry season is on its way, and it is SUCH a nice
day today. With God's help, I am really starting to enjoy teaching my class.
Today, I was very late. I got to school during assembly!! And just
yesterday, Naphtali announced to the class that everyone should start coming
much earlier to school and that whoever arrived early would get a reward. I
just laughed at myself as I walked up during assembly. God's timing is
perfect, and He's the one who kept me ha. Weeks are really flying by.
Physical labor here is getting easier; I'm glad for it, too, because it is
totally necessary for survival haha. Kat and I were practicing our
handstands Saturday night before chowing down on french fries, nibbling
chocolate, and watching most of Shrek III, and I am really getting stronger!
I can almost do a press. Well, maybe I don't remember what that is haha. God
is so good. Thanks for reading! Maybe we'll get internet next week and maybe
not. Still miss you all and am keeping very busy here. Love you!
in Cameroon (and all over the world, I'm sure). I just can't believe it.
Recently I realized I haven't given you all a schedule of a typical day in
the life of Madame (should be Mademoiselle.) Jessica. So here it is!
5:00-5:45 am-WAKE UP! The days I get to sleep through my alarm are a real
blessing haha. ~6:30-6:45 am-head to the Roses' house up the path for
breakfast. 7:30-8:00 am-go back home/brush my teeth/leave for school! I
should really start leaving closer to 7, but that's hardly ever possible.
8:30-9:00-arrive at school and prep my classroom. My windows don't lock so
each day I have to take all my class stuff back into the main classroom with
the locking windows. 8:45-9:30-Assembly (the starting of it can be anytime
during those times). Then up until 11 am Naphtali and I do ABC & reading
review with my class, bible story, song time (?), short break, and math.
11:00-LONG BREAK! About the 2nd or 3rd week of school, we all decided that
long break should only be 30 minutes so we can go home early on Fridays. We'
ve continued to take 1-hour long breaks since then, though, haha. 12:00-
1:30-Science class, General Knowledge, National Culture, blah blah blah. You
know, school stuff. 1:30-Dismissal!! Then, I pack up my class room, lock the
door, and start on my 2.5-3 mile journey home. My record time so far for the
trip to or from school is 45 minutes. Just thinking about that walk makes my
body hurt physically haha. Once I get home a variety of things could happen
on up until bedtime. I do go over to the Roses' every day to help with
dinner (the preparing and eating of it). I also shower there, charge my
electronics, visit, grade, clean my water filter/pump drinking water, and
pick grain/rice/beans/corn there. Here at our house (Kim, Kat, & I) much of
the same happens minus the grain picking and plus some more fun activities
like an occasional movie or P90x session. Life here is beautiful. I really
should get out of the house! Dry season is on its way, and it is SUCH a nice
day today. With God's help, I am really starting to enjoy teaching my class.
Today, I was very late. I got to school during assembly!! And just
yesterday, Naphtali announced to the class that everyone should start coming
much earlier to school and that whoever arrived early would get a reward. I
just laughed at myself as I walked up during assembly. God's timing is
perfect, and He's the one who kept me ha. Weeks are really flying by.
Physical labor here is getting easier; I'm glad for it, too, because it is
totally necessary for survival haha. Kat and I were practicing our
handstands Saturday night before chowing down on french fries, nibbling
chocolate, and watching most of Shrek III, and I am really getting stronger!
I can almost do a press. Well, maybe I don't remember what that is haha. God
is so good. Thanks for reading! Maybe we'll get internet next week and maybe
not. Still miss you all and am keeping very busy here. Love you!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
God Cares About the Little Things, Too 10/8/10
In just over 7 months, I'll be in Atlanta. I kind of hate that to be my
"opening blog statement" but that's the first thing I thought of. I think
that I completed my fifth week of teaching today. Time really has flown when
I think about the past. When I look ahead to the future, though, it seems
like next month will never get here. I'm not dwelling as much on time
anymore, though. Because, let's face it, I'm gonna be here, in Lassin,
Cameroon, for the next 7 months. It's my own attitude that will make or
break my time here. I'd like to make the most of this year. Wow!! I just
realized that 7 is only one more than 6 which means that I'm basically only
going to be here for another half a year! Haha, you can tell I'm a second
grade teacher. Teaching has gotten much better, but it most definitely has
its ups and downs. I've found that the downs conveniently fall on days when
I spend less time talking to Jesus, reading His Word, and spending time with
Him in general. Yeah, I've got it down to where I can basically predict how
my day is going to go; and if I'm thinking about it that much, than
hopefully I'll choose to have a good day, one spent with Him. My students
also play such a huge part in my day. I really am so grateful for them. They
're such cute little people. Even the ones who smell or who have snot
running down their face or who are ALWAYS talking- even while I'm talking!-
or who do not listen ever-even those kids are pretty cute, at least some of
the time haha. (Mom, I am now getting a taste of my own medicine. I'm sorry
for mistreating you as a kid.) And, boy is my class smart! I honestly
believe (the bias I have is NOT speaking here) that I have the smartest
class. They are so smart. Which just reminds me of all the knowledge I had
once that is probably rapidly departing my mind as I am here. I need to read
more. I need to get out those MCAT flashcards. Maybe.. tomorrow. I am typing
slower, texting slower, even talking slower haha. It'll be okay, though.
Some cool things that have happened since I've been here: I've made a few
phone class that have just BRIGHTENED my day like none other- Toya, Jifer,
Lacy, Dad, Kim, Grandma Pat, Grandma Anne, Mom.. I think that's it. I've
been texting people, too. And, man, when you people textback, I just have
to smile and laugh out loud. It's great. The last time I was in Kumbo
(civilization), Steve and I met a girl volunteering from LOOKOUT MOUNTAIN!!
She attends Georgia State. And boy oh boy was it just so good to meet her.
I think her name was Macy. She is volunteering at the Baptist hospital in Kumbo.
During the first few weeks I was here, I mentioned to someone- Kat or Kim or
Adela I think- that it would just be so cool to see a chameleon. I had no idea
they were actually endemic to Cameroon. But let me tell ya now, they are!
Because, about my third Friday here, boom! There was a chameleon.
Of course I hadn't brought me camera to school that day, so I have no proof.
I let it walk all over my arms and shirt, and it was just the cutest thing ever
ever ever. The kids were allfreaking out that I was touching it. They were like-
"Madam!! Madam!! It will bite!" Silly kids. Then I let it go on the school
grounds, kids all around. Carol was the one who found it. She said-
"God heard you!" Haha,yeah, He did. And He does. I've played soccer a
few more times now with the locals. That has its ups and downs too.
I'm trying to learn more Noone (the language), but I need to start writing
things down. That'll happen soon. I'll probably move into our new house on Sunday.
I have mixed feelings about that. I don't think I really like change.
Who does? Obama, okay, but who else? Ha. I'll make the most of it, though.
Our new place is very nice. Charles, our contact here in Cameroon,
visited us last night/this morning and brought pineapples! It was so good to
see him again. Tuesday, October 5 was National Teacher's Day here. We made it a
holiday for the school and all of us teachers went to Nkor for meetings.
That was very interesting. This week has been so, so exhausting. When I think
back on it, there is plenty to write about. Yet it has gone by so fast!
This past Sunday, I didn't do my laundry. I keep putting it off.
Maybe today will be the day? Blah. Our toilet clogged the other night and
that was just hilarious. Oh! Sunday, Kim and I started p90x. That took at
least 4 days to recover from haha. Yeah, life here is good. I keep thinking
that maybe my next blog will be more organized or maybe I'll get to post it
myself. we'll see. Dad & Kim, as you know, I received your card and absolutely
loved it. May that be a sign to you all that I CAN actually receive letters,
not just packages! Looking forward to checking our mail in the next few
months haha. Miss and love you all! I'm ready for Sabbath.
"opening blog statement" but that's the first thing I thought of. I think
that I completed my fifth week of teaching today. Time really has flown when
I think about the past. When I look ahead to the future, though, it seems
like next month will never get here. I'm not dwelling as much on time
anymore, though. Because, let's face it, I'm gonna be here, in Lassin,
Cameroon, for the next 7 months. It's my own attitude that will make or
break my time here. I'd like to make the most of this year. Wow!! I just
realized that 7 is only one more than 6 which means that I'm basically only
going to be here for another half a year! Haha, you can tell I'm a second
grade teacher. Teaching has gotten much better, but it most definitely has
its ups and downs. I've found that the downs conveniently fall on days when
I spend less time talking to Jesus, reading His Word, and spending time with
Him in general. Yeah, I've got it down to where I can basically predict how
my day is going to go; and if I'm thinking about it that much, than
hopefully I'll choose to have a good day, one spent with Him. My students
also play such a huge part in my day. I really am so grateful for them. They
're such cute little people. Even the ones who smell or who have snot
running down their face or who are ALWAYS talking- even while I'm talking!-
or who do not listen ever-even those kids are pretty cute, at least some of
the time haha. (Mom, I am now getting a taste of my own medicine. I'm sorry
for mistreating you as a kid.) And, boy is my class smart! I honestly
believe (the bias I have is NOT speaking here) that I have the smartest
class. They are so smart. Which just reminds me of all the knowledge I had
once that is probably rapidly departing my mind as I am here. I need to read
more. I need to get out those MCAT flashcards. Maybe.. tomorrow. I am typing
slower, texting slower, even talking slower haha. It'll be okay, though.
Some cool things that have happened since I've been here: I've made a few
phone class that have just BRIGHTENED my day like none other- Toya, Jifer,
Lacy, Dad, Kim, Grandma Pat, Grandma Anne, Mom.. I think that's it. I've
been texting people, too. And, man, when you people textback, I just have
to smile and laugh out loud. It's great. The last time I was in Kumbo
(civilization), Steve and I met a girl volunteering from LOOKOUT MOUNTAIN!!
She attends Georgia State. And boy oh boy was it just so good to meet her.
I think her name was Macy. She is volunteering at the Baptist hospital in Kumbo.
During the first few weeks I was here, I mentioned to someone- Kat or Kim or
Adela I think- that it would just be so cool to see a chameleon. I had no idea
they were actually endemic to Cameroon. But let me tell ya now, they are!
Because, about my third Friday here, boom! There was a chameleon.
Of course I hadn't brought me camera to school that day, so I have no proof.
I let it walk all over my arms and shirt, and it was just the cutest thing ever
ever ever. The kids were allfreaking out that I was touching it. They were like-
"Madam!! Madam!! It will bite!" Silly kids. Then I let it go on the school
grounds, kids all around. Carol was the one who found it. She said-
"God heard you!" Haha,yeah, He did. And He does. I've played soccer a
few more times now with the locals. That has its ups and downs too.
I'm trying to learn more Noone (the language), but I need to start writing
things down. That'll happen soon. I'll probably move into our new house on Sunday.
I have mixed feelings about that. I don't think I really like change.
Who does? Obama, okay, but who else? Ha. I'll make the most of it, though.
Our new place is very nice. Charles, our contact here in Cameroon,
visited us last night/this morning and brought pineapples! It was so good to
see him again. Tuesday, October 5 was National Teacher's Day here. We made it a
holiday for the school and all of us teachers went to Nkor for meetings.
That was very interesting. This week has been so, so exhausting. When I think
back on it, there is plenty to write about. Yet it has gone by so fast!
This past Sunday, I didn't do my laundry. I keep putting it off.
Maybe today will be the day? Blah. Our toilet clogged the other night and
that was just hilarious. Oh! Sunday, Kim and I started p90x. That took at
least 4 days to recover from haha. Yeah, life here is good. I keep thinking
that maybe my next blog will be more organized or maybe I'll get to post it
myself. we'll see. Dad & Kim, as you know, I received your card and absolutely
loved it. May that be a sign to you all that I CAN actually receive letters,
not just packages! Looking forward to checking our mail in the next few
months haha. Miss and love you all! I'm ready for Sabbath.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
So, I'm a teacher now? (9/14/10)
I cannot believe that it's already my second week teaching here in Lassin, Cameroon. Wow. It's funny how if I have a bad attitude it feels like time is just crawling, but when I have a positive attitude time's not so slow. So far out of 7 days teaching, I've "wung" 2 of them (haven't planned anything 'til I got to school haha). The first day my plan went okay, but the second day, not so much. So this morning, I took some time to write out a plan. And today went much better than yesterday! Yesterday I was quite homesick, so I came home and read the Word and some Steps to Christ. That made things better. So, how's the teaching you ask? I have nothing to really compare it to. I just pray God will use me, walk to school, "teach my class", walk back home, and do the things necessary to survive. For any success I have in my classroom, I give all the glory to Jesus Christ. Today as I walked home from school with my fellow teacher Adela I let her know how I'm not really too good with children (and yes, I do understand than I am much
more critical on myself than others, but still). I told her- "Wow! When I think about what I thought I was able to do before this and what I am really doing now, I just know it's all God. I'm happy to admit that. Yesterday I got a chalkboard, and I'm finding it even easier to teach the kids with little supplies. And I really believe that things can only get better. And with that attitude, I know they will. Last week, we had no school on Friday because it was a public holiday. I was ecstatic; AND I had the grand opportunity to go to Kumbo for the day (which turned into 2 days because our car broke down). It was there that I read all of your facebook comments and messages to me. And even the blog comments, Jessi! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Those have kept me going, they really have. I am beginning to understand more and more that this will not necessarily be "an up and up" experience. Things will not really always get better, and I will most definitely have rough days. Praise God, though, that I will also have good days. The good days will encourage me to continue, and the bad ones will help me to grow. Mom, here's the bit about the kids :) The kids, the kids, the kids. I am really blessed because of them. They are helping me grow more than you or they could ever know. My class is made up of (drumrollplease) Onoria (the teacher's pet- only because her father is actually my assistant), Blessing, Leonard, Kenedy, Neli, Sportla, Ignasius, Mathias, Isaac, Bless, Ophelia, Lucia, Johnboscoe (haha), Melvin, Martina, Peter, Nelson, Nadia. I think that's everyone? Man, who am I missing? I think that's it. Don't let my forgetfulness scare you. I'm a regular Maria Schroder. I am having a good time here- it gets even better every day (that's my positive attitude talking a little bit). Thanks from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and the texts (!!!!! Amy, Paige, Grandma, Mom, Dad thanks!!). To any of my friends reading this, see later posts to see how to text me for free :) Love you all. Oh I remember now! Thaddeus.
I cannot believe that it's already my second week teaching here in Lassin, Cameroon. Wow. It's funny how if I have a bad attitude it feels like time is just crawling, but when I have a positive attitude time's not so slow. So far out of 7 days teaching, I've "wung" 2 of them (haven't planned anything 'til I got to school haha). The first day my plan went okay, but the second day, not so much. So this morning, I took some time to write out a plan. And today went much better than yesterday! Yesterday I was quite homesick, so I came home and read the Word and some Steps to Christ. That made things better. So, how's the teaching you ask? I have nothing to really compare it to. I just pray God will use me, walk to school, "teach my class", walk back home, and do the things necessary to survive. For any success I have in my classroom, I give all the glory to Jesus Christ. Today as I walked home from school with my fellow teacher Adela I let her know how I'm not really too good with children (and yes, I do understand than I am much
more critical on myself than others, but still). I told her- "Wow! When I think about what I thought I was able to do before this and what I am really doing now, I just know it's all God. I'm happy to admit that. Yesterday I got a chalkboard, and I'm finding it even easier to teach the kids with little supplies. And I really believe that things can only get better. And with that attitude, I know they will. Last week, we had no school on Friday because it was a public holiday. I was ecstatic; AND I had the grand opportunity to go to Kumbo for the day (which turned into 2 days because our car broke down). It was there that I read all of your facebook comments and messages to me. And even the blog comments, Jessi! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Those have kept me going, they really have. I am beginning to understand more and more that this will not necessarily be "an up and up" experience. Things will not really always get better, and I will most definitely have rough days. Praise God, though, that I will also have good days. The good days will encourage me to continue, and the bad ones will help me to grow. Mom, here's the bit about the kids :) The kids, the kids, the kids. I am really blessed because of them. They are helping me grow more than you or they could ever know. My class is made up of (drumrollplease) Onoria (the teacher's pet- only because her father is actually my assistant), Blessing, Leonard, Kenedy, Neli, Sportla, Ignasius, Mathias, Isaac, Bless, Ophelia, Lucia, Johnboscoe (haha), Melvin, Martina, Peter, Nelson, Nadia. I think that's everyone? Man, who am I missing? I think that's it. Don't let my forgetfulness scare you. I'm a regular Maria Schroder. I am having a good time here- it gets even better every day (that's my positive attitude talking a little bit). Thanks from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and the texts (!!!!! Amy, Paige, Grandma, Mom, Dad thanks!!). To any of my friends reading this, see later posts to see how to text me for free :) Love you all. Oh I remember now! Thaddeus.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Lassin 9/6/2010
Hello from Lassin, Cameroon! At this time last week, I think I was just waking up to get ready to go to the airport in Atlanta. And man, you won't believe everything that has happened since then. We flew from Atlanta to D.C. Then, we flew through Rome to Ethiopia where we spent the night (see previous blog, hopefully.). We finally made it into Cameroon on Tuesday night, I think? We stayed there in Douala (not the capital like I told some of you) at our friend Charles' house. Charles is an angel. We also met up with our Romanian friends at the airport in Douala (who are also angels, I think) who had flown into Yaoundé (the actual capital) a week before. Wednesday was spent going shopping and sorting grain at the house. I also had the privilege of calling home and checking my email/facebook!! That was so great. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that our luggage failed to arrive with us. I had been in much of the same clothes from Sunday morning until Wednesday evening and felt very disgusting. Thankfully, right after my first bucket shower, our luggage arrived. That night we traveled to the bus station in Douala to take the night bus to Bamenda, 6 hours away. That was not a bad experience, but it was definitely not a pleasant one at all. I don't think I got much sleep. We arrived in Bamenda early in the morning at stayed at the bus station for most of the day sleeping on our luggage and trying to find food to eat (we did find it). I got to take a taxi with others to go shopping for some things in the market, too. The change of scenery was very, very nice. I also used my first squat toilet since Korea there! Little did I know what these next 8 months would really entail. Charles finally found us a van to rent so we could make our way to Lassin. The van dropped us off at Kumbo about 2 (or maybe 4?) hours later for a vehicle change. That drive in the daylight was really beautiful. I keep saying this place reminds me of NZ or Ireland or something. It is so green and beautiful. Doula was kind of dirty, but this place seems more pure. The road to Lassin was very treacherous. From Kumbo to Lassin, we (and our luggage) had to pack into 2 little cars. It was intense, but we really just
wanted to make it to our destination.
Well. I really hate reading peoples' itineraries so let me tell you something else. Today was the first day of class. Man. It wasn't too bad, but.. yeah. I am nothing without Jesus. The group here has had its ups and downs aplenty, and they all just keep a'comin'. Thank you so, so, SO much for your prayers! Please continue praying them. There is much, much more I could write, but I'm not sure how much more I can get out of me. This entry alone took me 2 days to compose. Likes: the food- many are the complaints about the food (and frequency of said food) but I am really liking it! We are eating very healthily. The company- it's me and 6 others now along with many kind and warm locals. I couldn't do this without some friends and am so thankful for them, their conversation, opinions, and presence. The environment- it's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful here. The weather, too, is great (it does rain a little much, though). The locals- those strangers who I don't even know. They are incredibly kind and loving to me. The guava- just thought I'd give these forgotten fruit (at least here in Cameroon) a shout out. I really love them. My mosquito net- love it! The endless chores: I really like that there's always something to do, something to help with, something to get your mind off things. All of the animals: even though nobody gives two about the chickens (and chicks!), ducks (and ducklings!), the goats (and kids!), the pigs (eh, maybe not so much), the cockroaches and crickets (just kidding), the dogs, and the horses, they really lift my spirits. Popcorn- mmm. The children- wow. I can't describe how good they are to/for me. My non-swollen foot- man, planes can do a number on my extremities!! Mainly my left foot.. it's all better now, though. The presence of the Spirit- whenever I'm down and out, I get lifted up. Thank You, thank You. And it's about time for some dislikes.. to let you know how I am really doing ;):the giant spiders- enough said. The huge flies in the toilet- so gross!! Annoying allergies: not sure what to do about these yet. Current antihistamines aren't doing a whole lot. Stubbed toe: ugh, I would! My lack of preparation: really, in every sense. But I'm meaning it in the teaching sense. It'll get better, though. I think that's it :)
So, family, friends, as far as things that I need, I honestly cannot think of them right now. Maybe send a few allergy meds to try and some Bactriban (that spray stuff that stings like the dickens.. but works. It has like.. a red circle on the bottle). Thanks. I'm sorry I haven't contacted many.. well, I guess it could be a lot worse. It is very easy for me to call from the market here but hearing voices thousands of miles away is too much for me. I like email (and if I am lucky, facebook).
Dad, Kim, and Hannah, thanks for the text message.
I think there's also a free way to text me using some website (I think it's iridium.com? Yes. Find something about sending an SMS [in small boxes at the top]. Text to 8816 316 72129. OR you can also email texts [that we'll get on our satellite phone] to 881631672129@msg.iridium.com.
Just make sure my name [and yours!] is somewhere in the message :)).
Love you all,
Jessica
wanted to make it to our destination.
Well. I really hate reading peoples' itineraries so let me tell you something else. Today was the first day of class. Man. It wasn't too bad, but.. yeah. I am nothing without Jesus. The group here has had its ups and downs aplenty, and they all just keep a'comin'. Thank you so, so, SO much for your prayers! Please continue praying them. There is much, much more I could write, but I'm not sure how much more I can get out of me. This entry alone took me 2 days to compose. Likes: the food- many are the complaints about the food (and frequency of said food) but I am really liking it! We are eating very healthily. The company- it's me and 6 others now along with many kind and warm locals. I couldn't do this without some friends and am so thankful for them, their conversation, opinions, and presence. The environment- it's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful here. The weather, too, is great (it does rain a little much, though). The locals- those strangers who I don't even know. They are incredibly kind and loving to me. The guava- just thought I'd give these forgotten fruit (at least here in Cameroon) a shout out. I really love them. My mosquito net- love it! The endless chores: I really like that there's always something to do, something to help with, something to get your mind off things. All of the animals: even though nobody gives two about the chickens (and chicks!), ducks (and ducklings!), the goats (and kids!), the pigs (eh, maybe not so much), the cockroaches and crickets (just kidding), the dogs, and the horses, they really lift my spirits. Popcorn- mmm. The children- wow. I can't describe how good they are to/for me. My non-swollen foot- man, planes can do a number on my extremities!! Mainly my left foot.. it's all better now, though. The presence of the Spirit- whenever I'm down and out, I get lifted up. Thank You, thank You. And it's about time for some dislikes.. to let you know how I am really doing ;):the giant spiders- enough said. The huge flies in the toilet- so gross!! Annoying allergies: not sure what to do about these yet. Current antihistamines aren't doing a whole lot. Stubbed toe: ugh, I would! My lack of preparation: really, in every sense. But I'm meaning it in the teaching sense. It'll get better, though. I think that's it :)
So, family, friends, as far as things that I need, I honestly cannot think of them right now. Maybe send a few allergy meds to try and some Bactriban (that spray stuff that stings like the dickens.. but works. It has like.. a red circle on the bottle). Thanks. I'm sorry I haven't contacted many.. well, I guess it could be a lot worse. It is very easy for me to call from the market here but hearing voices thousands of miles away is too much for me. I like email (and if I am lucky, facebook).
Dad, Kim, and Hannah, thanks for the text message.
I think there's also a free way to text me using some website (I think it's iridium.com? Yes. Find something about sending an SMS [in small boxes at the top]. Text to 8816 316 72129. OR you can also email texts [that we'll get on our satellite phone] to 881631672129@msg.iridium.com.
Just make sure my name [and yours!] is somewhere in the message :)).
Love you all,
Jessica
Ethiopia 8/31/2010
We're in Ethiopia for a long layover. The airline gave us all vouchers to use at a hotel. We didn't realize until it was too late, however, that Kimberly, Kataya, and I were in a separate hotel from Steve and Carol. Steve tried to switch things around but nope. So us three girls rode on a shuttle
by ourselves to De Leopol Hotel International. It seems so far away from the airport. On the drive here (which really only took about 3 or so minutes), I kept imagining the things that were going to happen to us. Haha..
We're fine. I'm in my single room, and Kimberly and Kataya are in their double across the hall. The rooms are nice, I guess. I only say that after thoroughly inspecting mine with my headlamp. And thank goodness for that headlamp because there's no light in the bathroom. So now, instead of wondering if it's possible for strangers to climb up the scaffolding outside my room, onto my balcony, and into my room through the bathroom window or doors, I'm just gonna meditate on some Bible promises. Haha :)
Man. It doesn't really seem like we've been traveling that long yet. But I'm pretty sure leaving on a Sunday and arriving at one's destination on Friday is a pretty long journey. It's Monday night now, and we're staying in Addis Ababa, the Ethiopian capital (or is it capitol??). Tomorrow we fly to Cameroon (yay, finally!). But, then we stay in Douala, the capitol/al for the night Tuesday), take a night bus the next night (Wednesday) to Bamenda, and hopefully get to or near Lassin by Thursday night. What a trip. Then we'll be teaching by Monday. Mercy.
As I sit here, alone, in Ethiopia, it's not too hard to focus on all my blessings. Maybe that's just because I still can't believe that this is happening. Yeah, I can't believe it. But I'm just saying that although I feel there is slight reason to be afraid (but there is NEVER reason!!), I'm focusing on the love of my heavenly Father and those here on earth. Sweet dreams America. Prayers needed here in Africa. Now I'll try to sleep in a weird bed with weird city sounds coming in through the window.
by ourselves to De Leopol Hotel International. It seems so far away from the airport. On the drive here (which really only took about 3 or so minutes), I kept imagining the things that were going to happen to us. Haha..
We're fine. I'm in my single room, and Kimberly and Kataya are in their double across the hall. The rooms are nice, I guess. I only say that after thoroughly inspecting mine with my headlamp. And thank goodness for that headlamp because there's no light in the bathroom. So now, instead of wondering if it's possible for strangers to climb up the scaffolding outside my room, onto my balcony, and into my room through the bathroom window or doors, I'm just gonna meditate on some Bible promises. Haha :)
Man. It doesn't really seem like we've been traveling that long yet. But I'm pretty sure leaving on a Sunday and arriving at one's destination on Friday is a pretty long journey. It's Monday night now, and we're staying in Addis Ababa, the Ethiopian capital (or is it capitol??). Tomorrow we fly to Cameroon (yay, finally!). But, then we stay in Douala, the capitol/al for the night Tuesday), take a night bus the next night (Wednesday) to Bamenda, and hopefully get to or near Lassin by Thursday night. What a trip. Then we'll be teaching by Monday. Mercy.
As I sit here, alone, in Ethiopia, it's not too hard to focus on all my blessings. Maybe that's just because I still can't believe that this is happening. Yeah, I can't believe it. But I'm just saying that although I feel there is slight reason to be afraid (but there is NEVER reason!!), I'm focusing on the love of my heavenly Father and those here on earth. Sweet dreams America. Prayers needed here in Africa. Now I'll try to sleep in a weird bed with weird city sounds coming in through the window.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I'm not worrying!
I am feeling oddly creative on this Sunday morning. For the last year... no, for the last.. I don't even remember the last time I felt creative. You know, I really think it's all the cooking I did today! Feeling down and out? Are you lonely or feeling forgotten?
Well, then bake something!! Whiz something up (not just anything, though) in your blender! Explore the pantry, and make yourself a tasty treat! Actually, I think cooking is actually more beneficial when it is done for someone else, for later, not for instant.. gluttony.
Lately, I've become more acutely aware of my dwindling.. supply?.. of.. haha vocabulary. So, please. Forgive me for the times when I just try way too hard. Forgive me, too, for the times that I think I know you, when I think you, like me, have a dwindling vocab and are trying too hard. I'm sorry for thinking so highly of myself.
I think today may have been the first time that I have felt an at-peace-and-looking-forward to feeling about this next year. Today, even with my brain filled with stressful thoughts like- Oh my goodness, how are you going to even control those little kids? And without raising your voice, too? Are all these skirts that I'm buying too short? This one is just at the knee.. I hope that's okay! I hope I don't scare the children. I hope I'll be able to smile and look pleasant without having to consciously think about it. Will my little sister forget who I am? Does my little sister know who I am now? Haha.. Will hopelessness still be written all over that bums face? Will my family be able to live a year (not even) without me? I can't, can't, CAN'T have a horrible experience like some SMs have had. It's all about attitude, attitude, attitude.
Sorry about the sneak-peek into the mind of Jessica. And, let me tell you, that was nothin'. But today, today I thought to myself- you know, Jess. You really did sign up for this. You're going willingly. Because you want to. So, even if your private little self doesn't really know how to act like it now, just act like you like it when it's actually happening.
I'm taking things as they come. Gotta buy supplies and get packed. So I think about those things. Gotta take the MCAT. Wait a minute right there!! What?!? Yeah, that's what I thought. Not thinkin' about that one for at least 6 months. Or maybe just the flashcards until then. Ha!
As someone reminded me of today, I'm letting tomorrow worry about itself! Matthew 6:25-34.
Well, then bake something!! Whiz something up (not just anything, though) in your blender! Explore the pantry, and make yourself a tasty treat! Actually, I think cooking is actually more beneficial when it is done for someone else, for later, not for instant.. gluttony.
Lately, I've become more acutely aware of my dwindling.. supply?.. of.. haha vocabulary. So, please. Forgive me for the times when I just try way too hard. Forgive me, too, for the times that I think I know you, when I think you, like me, have a dwindling vocab and are trying too hard. I'm sorry for thinking so highly of myself.
I think today may have been the first time that I have felt an at-peace-and-looking-forward to feeling about this next year. Today, even with my brain filled with stressful thoughts like- Oh my goodness, how are you going to even control those little kids? And without raising your voice, too? Are all these skirts that I'm buying too short? This one is just at the knee.. I hope that's okay! I hope I don't scare the children. I hope I'll be able to smile and look pleasant without having to consciously think about it. Will my little sister forget who I am? Does my little sister know who I am now? Haha.. Will hopelessness still be written all over that bums face? Will my family be able to live a year (not even) without me? I can't, can't, CAN'T have a horrible experience like some SMs have had. It's all about attitude, attitude, attitude.
Sorry about the sneak-peek into the mind of Jessica. And, let me tell you, that was nothin'. But today, today I thought to myself- you know, Jess. You really did sign up for this. You're going willingly. Because you want to. So, even if your private little self doesn't really know how to act like it now, just act like you like it when it's actually happening.
I'm taking things as they come. Gotta buy supplies and get packed. So I think about those things. Gotta take the MCAT. Wait a minute right there!! What?!? Yeah, that's what I thought. Not thinkin' about that one for at least 6 months. Or maybe just the flashcards until then. Ha!
As someone reminded me of today, I'm letting tomorrow worry about itself! Matthew 6:25-34.
Friday, August 13, 2010
My Cameroonian Address!! .. ish..
How to send mail to the team in Lassin, Cameroon:
(our address)
Pastor N'Dombo Guy Josia
care of Christopher Laikembu
Campost - Kumbo - NSO
N.W. Region, Cameroon
Africa
(postage suggestion)
Use US post office Flat Rate shipping boxes.
They come in two sizes, 20 lb max and something less than 20 lb.
Tape ALL edges of the box once closed.
It will take 1 month to arrive in Kumbo.
Notify us by sat phone of the shipping date.
use Iridium.com, send a free text message to 8816 316 72129 (our phone#)
P.S. These little text messages are great! Send them often. They're nearly as much fun as getting boxes.
Include your name, and the name of the recipient, somewhere in the message.
(our address)
Pastor N'Dombo Guy Josia
care of Christopher Laikembu
Campost - Kumbo - NSO
N.W. Region, Cameroon
Africa
(postage suggestion)
Use US post office Flat Rate shipping boxes.
They come in two sizes, 20 lb max and something less than 20 lb.
Tape ALL edges of the box once closed.
It will take 1 month to arrive in Kumbo.
Notify us by sat phone of the shipping date.
use Iridium.com, send a free text message to 8816 316 72129 (our phone#)
P.S. These little text messages are great! Send them often. They're nearly as much fun as getting boxes.
Include your name, and the name of the recipient, somewhere in the message.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Happiness is a Choice
“And all of a sudden I feel like I can’t cry for you anymore. Whatever reasons I had, well, they no longer exist, do they?”
That’s how I’m feeling right now. But have I really finished grieving?
Nah, I know, grieving is a process. A pretty much ongoing process. I’m talking about the blubbering, desperate, hopeless part of grieving.
You’re dead to me now. Whatever connection there was between you and I, it no longer exists.
I’ll tell you what shouldn’t exist. Broken relationships shouldn’t exist. They’re like living death. Divorce? It’s death. Saying goodbye is the same to me. A loved one passing away—these are all equal. Yeah, we’ve done it to ourselves, really. But this misery we live in, it IS our lives; and we make do.
I kid you not, blog ideas and examples and titles run through my mind at least 5 times a day. All they really do is make me feel guilty, though, since I’m not really acting on these thoughts. I think I’m definitely the “type” (there are types, yes?) of writer.. or let’s just call it a phase that I’m in.. who has so much going on inside my head that it’s just clutter. Chaotic, though, as it is, I love it. I think it’s beautiful. Ha! Every once in a while it just gets to be way too much to handle. And that’s when I just have to get it outta there (via the written/typed/spoken word). It’s only when I start to pull things out of here—word by word, idea by idea—that things actually become coherent.
So just a warning: it’s been quite a while. Things may or may not make sense to the average person…
Much has happened since I last.. spoke… I’m not even sure if I told you where in the world I am going! Sheesh!
Well, world, here it is. In a few short weeks, I’ll leave the comfort of the states bound for Cameroon, Africa. I’m going to be teaching elementary school to children in Lassin, Cameroon. One of my favorite parts about all of this is that I’ll be walking at least 6 miles a day (the length of the round trip walk to school from the town I’ll be living in). I’ll do my best to update (maybe a little more frequently) on my goings-on for the next year. Words don’t accurately describe how much I appreciate your prayers for me, the other faculty, and the students we’ll be teaching. Thank you so, so much.
This last week, it was pretty overwhelming—the thought of all that’s going to happen. I actually said to a friend yesterday “What am I thinking? Getting into all of this? Why am I doing this to myself??” Immediately, ideas for this blog popped into my head. I’m not doing this to myself, and it’s not even something that is being inflicted on me. This is a journey that my God is taking me on. This is just my life taking a slight turn from the norm. Whether I want to believe it right now or not, this is an adventure that my soul’s been waiting for. It seems like I have been waiting so, so long.
Yeah, so, this last week, as people everywhere were asking me the same questions and I was giving each person pretty much the same generic answers, I actually tried to listen to what I was saying to them.
“What am I telling them? Oh, I’m going to Cameroon. To teach lil’ kids in elementary school. Yeah, you know, the basics. Scared? Well, it hasn’t really hit me yet…”
So that’s when it started to hit me. That’s when I started to kind of hyperventilate. Inside, of course. I wouldn’t want to freak this innocent bystander out with my insecurities that they probably don’t even care about… Breathe…
Honesty. Honesty is something that I value, that I believe in, that I’d like to think I really possess. Honestly, my relationship with God has pretty much been all about me lately. This Friend who I have—He’s the best friend in the whole, entire universe, really.. better than Barney.. He’s all we really need and our only source of true Love and true Life and anything and everything that is really good—well I haven’t really been taking time to acknowledge Him much. It’s been this way most of the summer. It’s been this way most of this year. It’s been this way for way too freakin’ long.
And anyway, to speak of this long day packed with so many things in a few words, today I remember that He’s got my back still. And you know that. Well, I hope you know that (speaking of your back, too, actually.. not just mine).
Today, I was reminded that it is ridiculous, unnerving (well, yeah), inefficient, totally and tantalizingly tacky, and just plain dumb for me to be worried about this whatsoever. This me-going-to-Africa business is just like any other change/trial/obstacle in any ordinary day of the life of Jessica Hunt. The same me that is currently in Tennessee, but was in Georgia yesterday and California a week and a half ago, this same me who is a chemistry major at SAU and has chugged through those premed classes these last two years (miraculously), well, this same me will just be in Lassin, Cameroon, beginning August 31, for the next 8 and a half months. No biggie.
The big deal about all of that stuff is that my God, the God who’s been here all along—before us, during us, and forever more with us (hopefully, us)—well, He’ll be over there with me, too! He’s not going anywhere! Even though I’m moving away from all my friends, all my family, even the strangers that I’ve become so accustomed to, the Friend who’s the Best Friend in the whole entire universe will be right by my side; He’ll never leave me. If nothing else, the twenty kids that will temporarily be under my care on any given day this next year in Cameroon will have that going for them. Our God takes care of us that way.
This little girl, who feels like life is going at breakneck speed today but was more like a sloth yesterday (man, it really WAS slow!), well, my hope is in Jesus. He’s my Rock, my Refuge, my Portion. Right now, I’m filled with joy for no other reason but that.
That’s how I’m feeling right now. But have I really finished grieving?
Nah, I know, grieving is a process. A pretty much ongoing process. I’m talking about the blubbering, desperate, hopeless part of grieving.
You’re dead to me now. Whatever connection there was between you and I, it no longer exists.
I’ll tell you what shouldn’t exist. Broken relationships shouldn’t exist. They’re like living death. Divorce? It’s death. Saying goodbye is the same to me. A loved one passing away—these are all equal. Yeah, we’ve done it to ourselves, really. But this misery we live in, it IS our lives; and we make do.
I kid you not, blog ideas and examples and titles run through my mind at least 5 times a day. All they really do is make me feel guilty, though, since I’m not really acting on these thoughts. I think I’m definitely the “type” (there are types, yes?) of writer.. or let’s just call it a phase that I’m in.. who has so much going on inside my head that it’s just clutter. Chaotic, though, as it is, I love it. I think it’s beautiful. Ha! Every once in a while it just gets to be way too much to handle. And that’s when I just have to get it outta there (via the written/typed/spoken word). It’s only when I start to pull things out of here—word by word, idea by idea—that things actually become coherent.
So just a warning: it’s been quite a while. Things may or may not make sense to the average person…
Much has happened since I last.. spoke… I’m not even sure if I told you where in the world I am going! Sheesh!
Well, world, here it is. In a few short weeks, I’ll leave the comfort of the states bound for Cameroon, Africa. I’m going to be teaching elementary school to children in Lassin, Cameroon. One of my favorite parts about all of this is that I’ll be walking at least 6 miles a day (the length of the round trip walk to school from the town I’ll be living in). I’ll do my best to update (maybe a little more frequently) on my goings-on for the next year. Words don’t accurately describe how much I appreciate your prayers for me, the other faculty, and the students we’ll be teaching. Thank you so, so much.
This last week, it was pretty overwhelming—the thought of all that’s going to happen. I actually said to a friend yesterday “What am I thinking? Getting into all of this? Why am I doing this to myself??” Immediately, ideas for this blog popped into my head. I’m not doing this to myself, and it’s not even something that is being inflicted on me. This is a journey that my God is taking me on. This is just my life taking a slight turn from the norm. Whether I want to believe it right now or not, this is an adventure that my soul’s been waiting for. It seems like I have been waiting so, so long.
Yeah, so, this last week, as people everywhere were asking me the same questions and I was giving each person pretty much the same generic answers, I actually tried to listen to what I was saying to them.
“What am I telling them? Oh, I’m going to Cameroon. To teach lil’ kids in elementary school. Yeah, you know, the basics. Scared? Well, it hasn’t really hit me yet…”
So that’s when it started to hit me. That’s when I started to kind of hyperventilate. Inside, of course. I wouldn’t want to freak this innocent bystander out with my insecurities that they probably don’t even care about… Breathe…
Honesty. Honesty is something that I value, that I believe in, that I’d like to think I really possess. Honestly, my relationship with God has pretty much been all about me lately. This Friend who I have—He’s the best friend in the whole, entire universe, really.. better than Barney.. He’s all we really need and our only source of true Love and true Life and anything and everything that is really good—well I haven’t really been taking time to acknowledge Him much. It’s been this way most of the summer. It’s been this way most of this year. It’s been this way for way too freakin’ long.
And anyway, to speak of this long day packed with so many things in a few words, today I remember that He’s got my back still. And you know that. Well, I hope you know that (speaking of your back, too, actually.. not just mine).
Today, I was reminded that it is ridiculous, unnerving (well, yeah), inefficient, totally and tantalizingly tacky, and just plain dumb for me to be worried about this whatsoever. This me-going-to-Africa business is just like any other change/trial/obstacle in any ordinary day of the life of Jessica Hunt. The same me that is currently in Tennessee, but was in Georgia yesterday and California a week and a half ago, this same me who is a chemistry major at SAU and has chugged through those premed classes these last two years (miraculously), well, this same me will just be in Lassin, Cameroon, beginning August 31, for the next 8 and a half months. No biggie.
The big deal about all of that stuff is that my God, the God who’s been here all along—before us, during us, and forever more with us (hopefully, us)—well, He’ll be over there with me, too! He’s not going anywhere! Even though I’m moving away from all my friends, all my family, even the strangers that I’ve become so accustomed to, the Friend who’s the Best Friend in the whole entire universe will be right by my side; He’ll never leave me. If nothing else, the twenty kids that will temporarily be under my care on any given day this next year in Cameroon will have that going for them. Our God takes care of us that way.
This little girl, who feels like life is going at breakneck speed today but was more like a sloth yesterday (man, it really WAS slow!), well, my hope is in Jesus. He’s my Rock, my Refuge, my Portion. Right now, I’m filled with joy for no other reason but that.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Now or Never
Alright, so, really, if I don't write this right now, at this instant, as I'm writing my blog in my head as I usually do, I'll never post another one. It's now or never. I've come to realize that I'm really good at blogging in my head. So good at it that I usually refuse to blog any other way. Often I feel that once I've come up with something meaningful, gone over it at least once in my mind, then there's no recovering it. It's my just-wing-this attitude, and I love it. It's all about timing. Doesn't always work out for others, though. My timing, that is.
I'm adopting this now or never mentality in many areas of my life. And then again, I'm absolutely not. I have always been one to seize opportunities, try as many new things as I (or my fear/insecurities) allow, and travel, travel, travel. Actually, I recently started feeling guilty about my travel. People would never let me forget just HOW lucky I really, really was or how much more I had done than them. And that started me thinking. I mean, I wasn't really doing it because I really desired to with like all of my being, so why was I? I tend to second guess motives. Are they good enough? Do I have the right reasoning, 'cause if not, then I better just stop. Press pause 'til I gain my composure and my thinking can catch up with my physical state. And well, I still haven't decided if that's a good idea or not...
Anyway, now or never. Yeah, so one thing that I've really wanted to do is be a missionary. Why not take a year off during my undergrad to see the world while serving while learning and loving? So I'm doin' it.
As many have learned, I am planning on going to Africa in late August as a student missionary to teach little kids (approx. grades 2-4). Although I was originally shooting for Malawi-- otherwise known as Africa for beginners (my mom really loved this idea)-- it now looks like I'm headed west to Cameroon, Africa (or "mini Africa").
It really, really hasn't clicked, what I'm doing. It hasn't even clicked that I'm going to California in like 4 days to work at a new camp. It hasn't even hit me that my best friend's getting married (?!?) in 3 days. I can hardly comprehend that I'm a junior in college, have excelled (say what?) the last year in physics and organic chemistry, even completed my premed core classes-- and all these are just things of the past! I really need to get with it. Get with the program, Jess, please.
Oh, but saying and doing are two very different acts. Some lyrics to one of my new favorites say "I want to change the world/ instead I sleep/... all I can do is keep breathing.."
I strive for balance in life, but.. Yeah, you know. I tend to just oscillate from extreme to extreme. Why?? I know, I know. I've realized more than ever this week that I can't accomplish much at all on my own. I keep looking too much at the big picture that I miss this moment. Or, then, I catch myself all wrapped up in right... NOW. I get all caught up in details, details, details, here, there, and everywhere.. so much so that I really have no idea what's going on anymore. Where am I again? This is the balance struggle I've been having lately. Then what I end up doing is just hitting pause-- temporarily of course. I usually think that it'll all come back to me.. yep, any second now.. you can come back to me any second now.. But I think what it takes, is a thorough examination on my part 'cause I really end up just forgetting. So what is this? What exactly's going on here? After all, here, in your life, that is for YOU to know, yeah?
I've done this exact thing with an unfinished puzzle of mine (more or less). I refuse to study it any longer. Whether it be any individual piece or the beautiful painting as a whole, I just don't know what to do with it anymore. So I've pressed pause. I hope that, in a year, I can come back to it with a fresh mind, new perspective. Currently, though, it's under my bed, pinned to a bulletin board and covered in a plastic bag. I've written something like "Don't touch. Keep out, or else. PLEASE do not unwrap/complete puzzle." haha!
This "press pause" business has nothing to do with me going to Africa for a year. I think I'm actually currently coming back from one of those pauses, ready to experience life at the fullest again, as a gift from our Creator.
Please continue to pray for me and the other students going out this year. I'm in for a new experience to say the least.
I'm adopting this now or never mentality in many areas of my life. And then again, I'm absolutely not. I have always been one to seize opportunities, try as many new things as I (or my fear/insecurities) allow, and travel, travel, travel. Actually, I recently started feeling guilty about my travel. People would never let me forget just HOW lucky I really, really was or how much more I had done than them. And that started me thinking. I mean, I wasn't really doing it because I really desired to with like all of my being, so why was I? I tend to second guess motives. Are they good enough? Do I have the right reasoning, 'cause if not, then I better just stop. Press pause 'til I gain my composure and my thinking can catch up with my physical state. And well, I still haven't decided if that's a good idea or not...
Anyway, now or never. Yeah, so one thing that I've really wanted to do is be a missionary. Why not take a year off during my undergrad to see the world while serving while learning and loving? So I'm doin' it.
As many have learned, I am planning on going to Africa in late August as a student missionary to teach little kids (approx. grades 2-4). Although I was originally shooting for Malawi-- otherwise known as Africa for beginners (my mom really loved this idea)-- it now looks like I'm headed west to Cameroon, Africa (or "mini Africa").
It really, really hasn't clicked, what I'm doing. It hasn't even clicked that I'm going to California in like 4 days to work at a new camp. It hasn't even hit me that my best friend's getting married (?!?) in 3 days. I can hardly comprehend that I'm a junior in college, have excelled (say what?) the last year in physics and organic chemistry, even completed my premed core classes-- and all these are just things of the past! I really need to get with it. Get with the program, Jess, please.
Oh, but saying and doing are two very different acts. Some lyrics to one of my new favorites say "I want to change the world/ instead I sleep/... all I can do is keep breathing.."
I strive for balance in life, but.. Yeah, you know. I tend to just oscillate from extreme to extreme. Why?? I know, I know. I've realized more than ever this week that I can't accomplish much at all on my own. I keep looking too much at the big picture that I miss this moment. Or, then, I catch myself all wrapped up in right... NOW. I get all caught up in details, details, details, here, there, and everywhere.. so much so that I really have no idea what's going on anymore. Where am I again? This is the balance struggle I've been having lately. Then what I end up doing is just hitting pause-- temporarily of course. I usually think that it'll all come back to me.. yep, any second now.. you can come back to me any second now.. But I think what it takes, is a thorough examination on my part 'cause I really end up just forgetting. So what is this? What exactly's going on here? After all, here, in your life, that is for YOU to know, yeah?
I've done this exact thing with an unfinished puzzle of mine (more or less). I refuse to study it any longer. Whether it be any individual piece or the beautiful painting as a whole, I just don't know what to do with it anymore. So I've pressed pause. I hope that, in a year, I can come back to it with a fresh mind, new perspective. Currently, though, it's under my bed, pinned to a bulletin board and covered in a plastic bag. I've written something like "Don't touch. Keep out, or else. PLEASE do not unwrap/complete puzzle." haha!
This "press pause" business has nothing to do with me going to Africa for a year. I think I'm actually currently coming back from one of those pauses, ready to experience life at the fullest again, as a gift from our Creator.
Please continue to pray for me and the other students going out this year. I'm in for a new experience to say the least.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Break it down if You're Jumbled Up
I used to hate Jumble puzzles. I hated them because I was no good. No matter how hard I tried to unscramble those stinkin’ words, someone else (usually my mom) would always, always get ‘em first. So I pretty much just stopped trying. Why keep it up if I never got it? Horrible conclusion, I know. Anyways, the point is that in order to more easily unscramble a given word, it’s best to write down letter combinations. Try that ‘t’ first; or maybe it’s the ‘d’ instead? No, okay, how about a ‘tion’ ending? Or ‘-ed’? This seems to always help. Just so is my mind—filled to the brim with thoughts. Sometimes it’s just too full to handle, so I’ve gotta write this stuff down! It only even begins to become coherent when I talk or write it out.
So, even though blogging sorta kinda intimidates me.. and I’m really more of a private person.. I’m gonna do it.
As I ride in the car back up to knox-ico, I can’t help but think, think, think. My heart is heavy, heavy, heavy. Man. The end of my second year at Southern, a little time with family and friends, anxiety.. or anticipation?.. for this summer of MCATs and SM preparation, and SAU’s 2010 graduation have all got my brain smokin’. Aaahhh! Breathe. Though I’ve always been a planner, a controller, lately I’ve come to accept spontaneity, nonplanning, and the dare-I-say freedom of the unknown. This day, however, has got my stomach in the knot of all knots. My thoughts, plans, ideas for this day have all.. imploded. Haha! Not quite so violent as an implosion, but, yeah. For someone who’s been recently freed from the bondage of the I-am-in-control mentality, the itty-bitty screw-ups of today are seemingly no big deal at all. But for some reason, I feel utterly broken by them.
Have you even been broken? I’m not talking bones or even hearts in the “but, I loved him” sense… I’m talking spirits. Has your spirit even been completely broken? As harsh as it’s sounds, I hope that you have had the privilege of being broken. Yeah, it’s happened to me, too. Why the bad connotations with the word or idea of “broken”? Probably because it’s painful. Probably because it’s not really the cookie-cutter idea of ourselves. Probably because it’s just embarrassing, uncomfortable, yuck, yuck, yuck.
But, for me, broken is truly beautiful. Kinda like the feeling you get after a really big, mother of all cries, cry. What a feeling! It’s like complete resolve; but a resolve to just let go. It’s so beautiful, especially after trying, trying, trying SO HARD to accomplish so much on your own. Let’s face it—that’s impossible. And so it just feels so nice to really face that. Yeah.
That’s kinda a process that’s been gradually happening to me for some time, I think. Not sure when the word ‘go’ was, but it’s all been manifesting itself a lot more lately. And I’m glad for it.
I’ve been praying that God lead me, guide me, show me the way to go. Today I’ve noticed that one way to know God isn’t leading us to here or there is to see how those plans that you’ve tried and tried to make and remake and then remake again just keep falling through and crumbling and.. imploding ha. So instead of getting too frustrated, or, rather, instead of holding on to my frustration, I’ll take that peace of God’s onto my shoulders. Feels a lot better compared the yuckiness I create for myself. I’ve gotta be broken, but that’s okay. I don’t wanna be built up in me; I want Him built up in me.
In a few months I’ll be going somewhere… haha! Where will I end up? Satan’s been trying so, so hard to discourage me from going, but I’ve gotta let encouragement from Jesus influence me more than that. Since May’s here, I guess I better get on the ball. In Him, I can do all things.
So, even though blogging sorta kinda intimidates me.. and I’m really more of a private person.. I’m gonna do it.
As I ride in the car back up to knox-ico, I can’t help but think, think, think. My heart is heavy, heavy, heavy. Man. The end of my second year at Southern, a little time with family and friends, anxiety.. or anticipation?.. for this summer of MCATs and SM preparation, and SAU’s 2010 graduation have all got my brain smokin’. Aaahhh! Breathe. Though I’ve always been a planner, a controller, lately I’ve come to accept spontaneity, nonplanning, and the dare-I-say freedom of the unknown. This day, however, has got my stomach in the knot of all knots. My thoughts, plans, ideas for this day have all.. imploded. Haha! Not quite so violent as an implosion, but, yeah. For someone who’s been recently freed from the bondage of the I-am-in-control mentality, the itty-bitty screw-ups of today are seemingly no big deal at all. But for some reason, I feel utterly broken by them.
Have you even been broken? I’m not talking bones or even hearts in the “but, I loved him” sense… I’m talking spirits. Has your spirit even been completely broken? As harsh as it’s sounds, I hope that you have had the privilege of being broken. Yeah, it’s happened to me, too. Why the bad connotations with the word or idea of “broken”? Probably because it’s painful. Probably because it’s not really the cookie-cutter idea of ourselves. Probably because it’s just embarrassing, uncomfortable, yuck, yuck, yuck.
But, for me, broken is truly beautiful. Kinda like the feeling you get after a really big, mother of all cries, cry. What a feeling! It’s like complete resolve; but a resolve to just let go. It’s so beautiful, especially after trying, trying, trying SO HARD to accomplish so much on your own. Let’s face it—that’s impossible. And so it just feels so nice to really face that. Yeah.
That’s kinda a process that’s been gradually happening to me for some time, I think. Not sure when the word ‘go’ was, but it’s all been manifesting itself a lot more lately. And I’m glad for it.
I’ve been praying that God lead me, guide me, show me the way to go. Today I’ve noticed that one way to know God isn’t leading us to here or there is to see how those plans that you’ve tried and tried to make and remake and then remake again just keep falling through and crumbling and.. imploding ha. So instead of getting too frustrated, or, rather, instead of holding on to my frustration, I’ll take that peace of God’s onto my shoulders. Feels a lot better compared the yuckiness I create for myself. I’ve gotta be broken, but that’s okay. I don’t wanna be built up in me; I want Him built up in me.
In a few months I’ll be going somewhere… haha! Where will I end up? Satan’s been trying so, so hard to discourage me from going, but I’ve gotta let encouragement from Jesus influence me more than that. Since May’s here, I guess I better get on the ball. In Him, I can do all things.
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