Embarrassing Myself 4/27/11

There’s no doubt that this place, this experience, this everything,
has changed me. But I don’t consider this whole experience to be the
roundest thing I ever saw. You getting me? I haven’t really had many
literal life or death trials here, so I won’t necessarily be any more
prepared to experience one. I have had numerous opportunities to
cook/prepare food, though. So the next time there’s a real need for
food, I’ll really be able to contribute something pretty meaningful.
Well, one area I have NOT had any, any, any extra experience with
while I’ve been here is… interaction with the opposite sex. Now I
could really worry about it, but I’m definitely not. The thing is, God
is the leader, director, shepherd, love, joy, savior of my life. I
know that if I come across a life or death situation or even a boy, He
will take care of me.
There are tons and tons of boys and men in Lassin, but I just don’t
think they’re for me. I am here for a mission and a purpose. I’m here
to teach little children about Jesus amongst some other things (like
surviving), not to socialize, flirt, yada yada.
I did have an interesting time (at least it was in my own thoughts)
with a non-African guy who came to visit. A few weeks ago, our good
friends Gary and Wendy Roberts flew in from Chad with their cute
little girl and their, uh, young, German, pilot-in-training comrade
who knows multiple languages and has traveled a lot and is about five
years older than me.
Before I continue, I just want to say that if ever I consider myself
in an awkward situation, I do understand that I probably created it
myself.
So I tried to be friendly enough to all of our visitors, but for some
strange reason I couldn’t bring myself to talk to or even look at the
guy. What’s wrong with me?! I know that the longer I wait to break the
ice, the thicker it’ll be. So I did finally break it. I was laughing
at myself the whole time they were here. I was just so afraid. I felt
like my silence toward this fellow was obvious. But I felt like, I
don’t know, like everyone was possibly thinking (but not at all, I’m
sure) how convenient it was that the two young, single missionaries
were brought together under this roof and shouldn’t they really get
along well and become friends. I’ve been told that I think way too
much.
I realized that anytime I find myself in the company of a single
member of the opposite sex, I freeze. My brain stops working, I can’t
remove my eyes from the floor, it’s just awkward. I think it’s all in
my head. And I’m really going to work on this. Maybe that’ll be more
plausible now that I’ve let the whole world know.
Here’s to embarrassing myself much less frequently.