Breakfast yesterday consisted of hot breakfast cereal, granola and soy milk,
corn bread with honey/soy milk, AND like 1/3 of a large pineapple as well as
2/3 of a small guava. Wow. My belly was so full that I could hardly
comprehend the Sabbath school lesson about temperance. I really think I
needed to hear that too. Living in Africa for three months can teach a
person so, so much. One thing I have learned is that one of the hardest
things to do as a missionary is to just get along with the other
missionaries. How sad! God has really worked in us, though. I've been
learning a lot about the power of prayer. I'm sure God loves to answer our
prayers. Time is going as fast as ever. The food here is getting better and
better. I'm becoming much more of a teacher. The other missionaries and I
are growing closer together. The Holy Spirit is amongst us often. My heart
is changing. These-and so many others-are His answers to my prayers. I've
found at least one opportunity to study for the MCAT. We're planning an
exciting Christmas tour of Cameroon that will begin in less than 2 weeks.
Yesterday we trekked to a beautiful little waterfall just a few minutes from
our house. God is so, so good to us here. Another thing I've learned here is
the concept of African time. At the end of last week, we all rode to Nkor
for 2 days of teachers' meetings or workshops. The first meeting on Friday
was supposed to begin at 8 am. It didn't start until 1 pm (which is when the
presenters arrived from Kumbo). So Thursday morning was spent in the Barnes
and Nobles of Nkor (the Noone Literacy Center of Nkor), a very nice facility
with a small collection of American books. I spent a good hour or two
studying from my MCAT biology book. The afternoon was spent in these really
boring meetings; there's no way workshops for teachers back home are
anything like that one. Friday we arrived later in the morning for the
workshop. It was a similar meeting-stressing the importance of teachers
teaching and testing from the government national syllabus alone, no more
and no less. We left by noon to go back home and prepare for Sabbath.
Sabbaths here (and weekends in general) are such a blessing! There are less
than 2 weeks left of school before Christmas break. I can't fathom that.
Goals for the new year include: teaching more from the government syllabus,
making myself more available for the Spirit to change me, being more
involved with the people around me, and eating a little less pineapple
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I'm Giving Up (10/17/10)
I've been stuck in Kumbo since Friday morning. This is a record.Three days.
And ugh,I'm sick of it. I've been learning things, though. We got to skip
school on Friday. We're skipping school tomorrow, too. I feel guilty about
missing school, but no one seems to care. Which makes me think that I should
really care. Even if no one else cares, I'll try and care. And so, during
the 9 weeks 'til Christmas and, after that, the 8 weeks 'til spring break
and, after that, the 9 weeks 'til May 10, I really want to try my best to
not miss a single day of school if I can help it. It's so easy to come up
with an excuse; and because of that, I think it is so important to have an
excuse to actually go to school. Being here in Kumbo with Kim and Kat has
really magnified my homesickness. While here, I picked up 3 packages at the
post office from my mom (thanks mom!). It was so, so, SO good to get those!
One was full of crayons (and my MCAT study books and some candy, too. and
there's not a whole lot left haha). I'm really looking forward to seeing my
students use the crayons! One box is full of Sabbath school quarterlies and
Guides and stuff. Then there was an actual care package-with my Conflict of
Ages books, tea, another outfit for school, s'more candy, and, best of all,
some Knox News Sentinel crossword pages! I've already completed many of the
puzzles (not the crosswords, though).
Lately, I've really been thinking about some things. For starters, I am such
a selfish being. It's something that is inside of me. Nothing that I do
changes that about me. It is part of who I am. Another thing I've been
contemplating is how much I really depend on others. My whole life, I have
been very well taken care of-by someone, even if at times it really only is
God. I've been fed, clothed, sheltered, loved. Some people really aren't
taken care of by anyone but God. I'm so blessed to have had the friends,
family, and opportunities that I have. That's all so cliché. I hate writing
like this.
This weekend I have also really noticed, focused on, my introversion. I
really need time to be alone. We've all been in such close quarters with
each other this weekend on our little occasion. Yesterday, I just had to go
into the bathroom to be alone. I just stood there and stared out the window
at the trees, the wind winding through the leaves; I felt a lot better after
just breathing that fresh air. Today I took out the trash and walked up and
down the road that our hotel is on. That was so nice, too. The sun was
fierce today. Last night, it was like the three of us were a carton of
sardines in this queen (full's more like it) size bed. I am not really
looking forward to tonight at all. I just hope I'm not going to be in the
middle.
Spending all this time with Kim and Kat really makes me miss my mom. It also
really makes me appreciate her. It's making me consider my behavior. There
really are too many times I feel like a ten or eleven-year old. There are
actually too many times I look back at my behavior and feel ashamed. How can
I be so selfish?
I have so, so much. I have so much. Why? Who am I that I could be so
blessed? I do not understand it. I know I must give. I must give of myself.
Give everything away. Let God have it all. Give what I have to those who do
not have. Give to all. Give them love, money, time. Give them my ears, my
feet, my hands.
I don't want to think high thoughts of myself. I want to be humbled. Don't
you want to put others before yourself? No? Yeah, me neither. That is
because we are selfish! Didn't you hear me before? Nothing that we do can
change that about ourselves. Please, Lord. Please, please change our hearts.
We are nothing without You. We can do nothing of ourselves. I cannot do this
on my own. Let us put others before ourselves in all things. In all things
let us trust in Your understanding and not our own.
And ugh,I'm sick of it. I've been learning things, though. We got to skip
school on Friday. We're skipping school tomorrow, too. I feel guilty about
missing school, but no one seems to care. Which makes me think that I should
really care. Even if no one else cares, I'll try and care. And so, during
the 9 weeks 'til Christmas and, after that, the 8 weeks 'til spring break
and, after that, the 9 weeks 'til May 10, I really want to try my best to
not miss a single day of school if I can help it. It's so easy to come up
with an excuse; and because of that, I think it is so important to have an
excuse to actually go to school. Being here in Kumbo with Kim and Kat has
really magnified my homesickness. While here, I picked up 3 packages at the
post office from my mom (thanks mom!). It was so, so, SO good to get those!
One was full of crayons (and my MCAT study books and some candy, too. and
there's not a whole lot left haha). I'm really looking forward to seeing my
students use the crayons! One box is full of Sabbath school quarterlies and
Guides and stuff. Then there was an actual care package-with my Conflict of
Ages books, tea, another outfit for school, s'more candy, and, best of all,
some Knox News Sentinel crossword pages! I've already completed many of the
puzzles (not the crosswords, though).
Lately, I've really been thinking about some things. For starters, I am such
a selfish being. It's something that is inside of me. Nothing that I do
changes that about me. It is part of who I am. Another thing I've been
contemplating is how much I really depend on others. My whole life, I have
been very well taken care of-by someone, even if at times it really only is
God. I've been fed, clothed, sheltered, loved. Some people really aren't
taken care of by anyone but God. I'm so blessed to have had the friends,
family, and opportunities that I have. That's all so cliché. I hate writing
like this.
This weekend I have also really noticed, focused on, my introversion. I
really need time to be alone. We've all been in such close quarters with
each other this weekend on our little occasion. Yesterday, I just had to go
into the bathroom to be alone. I just stood there and stared out the window
at the trees, the wind winding through the leaves; I felt a lot better after
just breathing that fresh air. Today I took out the trash and walked up and
down the road that our hotel is on. That was so nice, too. The sun was
fierce today. Last night, it was like the three of us were a carton of
sardines in this queen (full's more like it) size bed. I am not really
looking forward to tonight at all. I just hope I'm not going to be in the
middle.
Spending all this time with Kim and Kat really makes me miss my mom. It also
really makes me appreciate her. It's making me consider my behavior. There
really are too many times I feel like a ten or eleven-year old. There are
actually too many times I look back at my behavior and feel ashamed. How can
I be so selfish?
I have so, so much. I have so much. Why? Who am I that I could be so
blessed? I do not understand it. I know I must give. I must give of myself.
Give everything away. Let God have it all. Give what I have to those who do
not have. Give to all. Give them love, money, time. Give them my ears, my
feet, my hands.
I don't want to think high thoughts of myself. I want to be humbled. Don't
you want to put others before yourself? No? Yeah, me neither. That is
because we are selfish! Didn't you hear me before? Nothing that we do can
change that about ourselves. Please, Lord. Please, please change our hearts.
We are nothing without You. We can do nothing of ourselves. I cannot do this
on my own. Let us put others before ourselves in all things. In all things
let us trust in Your understanding and not our own.
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